Survival Of The Fattest
From GEOweaselWiki
| GEOweasel Episode #17 |
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Because of a new study, Weas thinks the other Weasels are fat and makes them diet and exercise. THE HORROR!
Cast (in order of appearance): Newsperson, Bob Watson, Weas, Mitri, Nar, Jimbob
Page Title: Let's just play!
Date: June 3, 2006
Running time: 5:22
Contents |
Transcript
{opening credits, Then cut to The News Reporter sitting at the desk}
NEWS REPORTER: The president responded to the UN with "What in tarnations is grammar?" In other news, the American Obesity Epidemic is at an all-time high. We go now to Bob Watson with a special report.
{Cut to Bill watson. There is a restraunt Behind him called "McArby King".}
BOB WATSON: Thanks, Arnold. A recent study has shown that America is still the fattest country on Earth with more obese people than our country actually has. Scientists have discovered that many people of today's generation are so fat that they will all die of heart attacks before the age of 40. Every single one of them. Stunning. So what is being done to stop this epidemic? Absolutely nothing, because we're all lazy and fat! But what COULD be done is the question! The solution is simple. People need to stop eating everything they see and get exercise for at least 23 hours a day. With the numbers showing that three out of every four people are fat, it looks like our nation may be doomed.
{cut to Weas watching the report on TV}'
WEAS: Three out of every four people?
{cut to Mitri sticking his tongue out in front of a spinning fan}
MITRI: Are you guys sure this is a good idea?
{cut to Nar and Jimbob smiling}
NAR: 'Course it is, I saw it done before!
{cut back to Mitri, with tongue back in his mouth}
MITRI: Where?
{back to Nar and Jimbob}
NAR: I dunno, probably Google.
MITRI: Oh, it must be safe, then!
{Mitri sticks his tongue out, which goes off-screen. It gets caught in the fan and he gets sucked in, spinning and spinning.}
MITRI: WOAHWOAHWOAHWOAHWOAHWOAHWOAHWOAHWOAHWOAHWOAHWOAHWOAH!
{cut to Weas, standing by the door}
WEAS: You guys sicken me.
{Nar and Jimbob look at each other and then quickly back at Weas}
NAR & JIMBOB: WE DIDN'T DO IT!
{they run away in opposite directions}
{cut to Weas, who catches them in different arms}
WEAS: You fat slobs. How can I run an organization bent on ruling the world if you're all so fat and out of shape?
{pan to Nar}
NAR: What?
{pan to Jimbob}
JIMBOB: We're not fat!
{pan back to show all three of them}
WEAS: A new study shows that-- {Weas drops them} --three out of four people are fat. That means that one of us isn't and I know it's not me. {Weas points to himself}
NAR: How can you not be the fat one when Mitri weighs like 20 pounds?
WEAS: His head is fat.
{cut to Mitri trying to speak while spinning in a fan}'
MITRI: I...RESENT...THAT!
WEAS: So, since you're all so morbidly obese, there's going to be some changes around here. Everyone follow me to our gym.
JIMBOB: My name's Jim!
NAR: We have a gym?
{cut to Weas}
WEAS: See? You're so fat, you don't even know we have a gym! You fat, obesey...fat...pants...fat...head!
{cut back to all three of them}
NAR: Words hurt!
{cut to Weas standing in the gym}
WEAS: All right, since you're all so full of LLAAAARRRRDD, we'll start with something easy: pull-ups! So, who's going first?
{cut to Mitri, looking up at the pull-up bar}
MITRI: You think I'm actually going to reach that?
WEAS: If you need help, I can pick you up.
{Weas extends his arms}
MITRI: {Deep voice} Touch me and I will devour your soul with a side of potato skins.
WEAS: Uh, okay. {stands up} Nar, get over there and show him how it's done.
NAR: I don't really...
WEAS: NOW.
NAR: YES SIR!
{Cut to Nar hanging from the pull-up bar. The others watch him as he attempts to do a pull-up three times. On the third time, he ends up pulling the bar from the wall and lands on his back.}
NAR: Can we take a lunch break?
{Cut to the Weasels sitting at a table}
JIMBOB: Sweet! I'm starvin', what are we eating? Hamburgers? Ice cream? Ostriches?
WEAS: Nope. {Weas sets a plate full of green stuff in front of Jimbob}
{Shift to Mitri, who has the same thing on his plate}
MITRI: Uh... What is this?
{Shift to Weas, who has a slice of pizza on his plate}
WEAS: They're soy leaves, or something, I dunno. They're really bland and disgusting. Perfect for dieting! You'd better get used to it, because it's all you'll be eating until you stop being so FAAAAAAAAT.
NAR: Well why do you get pizza?
WEAS: Because I don't take up two seats on a plane with my flab. {he lifts his fork} Now eat or I'll kill you.
NAR: G-go on, Mitri.
{Mitri picks up the green stuff from his plate and takes a bite. Mitri's head falls off}
NAR: Weas, your frickin' health food made Mitri's face melt.
JIMBOB: If he didn't finish, can I have some?
{Cut back to the Gym. Weas is eating a hamburger}
WEAS: Come on you pansies, this is easy stuff! You should be able to lift twice your weight in... weights.
NAR: Weas, I think Jim died halfway through his fifteenth rep.
{Pan to Jimbob, who is holding a dumbbell and is apparently dead. Weas pokes him in the face, which causes Jim to drop the weights}
WEAS: He's fine.
NAR: You can't keep making us do this! It's murder!
WEAS: You'll keep doing it, and you'll like it until you stop being fat!
NAR: I'm not fat! I'm tired of these news reports and commercials telling everyone that they're fat and they need to go starve theirselves and excercise! Fast food places don't need to start offering healthy choices! Schools don't need to stop selling things with a frickin' CALORIE in it. It's all about self-control! And being overweight isn't the end of the world! Sure, it's unhealthy, but there are ways to become healthy without killing yourself! Obesity is not a disease and it's not an epidemic! Some people are just fat and if they die because of it, IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!
WEAS: The fat is making you angry, you know.
{Nar's face becomes really detailed in ugliness}
NAR: SCREW YOU.
WEAS: If you don't lose the weight in the next three weeks, so help me God I will kill you all.
{THREE WEEKS LATER. Cut to extremely thin Jimbob, Nar and Mitri. Mitri is nothing but a head and legs.}
WEAS: {slightly muffled} Congratulations, men. I knew you could do it.
{Shift to Weas, who is incredibly obese. His body is round and his limbs seem to have atrophied.}
WEAS: You beat the odds and showed me and everyone else in this great nation that diet and excercise really do work. I'm proud of you. Now then, who wants to go on a mission?
{Jimbob, Nar and Mitri raise their hands}
JIMBOB, NAR, & MITRI: We do!
JIMBOB: My hand is gone.
{Cut to outside the HQ}
WEAS: Alright men, here's the plan. Under our city of Blueport, we...
{Weas starts rolling backwards}
WEAS: Hey, HEY! What is th... WHAT IS THIS? This isn't funny! Somebody come catch me!
NAR: {dazed laughter} I can't feel my legs.
WEAS: GUYS, HELP ME!
{The skinny Weasels watch Weas roll into something, making a stereotyped bowling ball-hits-bowling pins noise.}
MITRI: Well, I guess that worked out all right.
NAR: Yeah. What do we do now?
{Camera pans to the right, revealing a black guy with an afro}
BLACK MAN: Nigga please!
{There is a short pause. Roll credits.}
Inside Refernces
A Parody of McDonald's was previously Menitoned in The Dark Storm.
Real world References
- The Fast Food Restruant that is behind Bill Watson as he annouces is McArby King, A Obvious Parody of McDonald's, A Restraunt That Sells fast food, Such as French Fries, and Chicken Mc Nuggets.
External links
